My room smells like vodka and shame
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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