Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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