We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
