i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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