Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
