My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
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I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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