Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This is my gift to your gina
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming