I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable