I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
There r osticjed everywhere
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?