So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her