the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
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if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
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don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize