I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
