Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.