hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again