gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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