I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
