ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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