Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
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I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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