Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
