Screwed.edu
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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