The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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