the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
