Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
