just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
