I wish my penis had an off switch
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
