i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
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Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
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Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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