YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
