i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
