his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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