Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
