I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
