Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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