I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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