what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
