Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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