I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
