I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
