can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
