Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
