please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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