What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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