i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
