i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
