So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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