we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
