Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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