you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
