Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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