Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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