How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
