dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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