I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
