2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
