IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
