five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
