babies were throwing up all over the place
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
