is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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