she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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