i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
