Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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