you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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