SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
