I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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