thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
