Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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