Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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