College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
