CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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