New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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