Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
