I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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