I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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