You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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