im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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