Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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