peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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