omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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