About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
