I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
