So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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