I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
