Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
