We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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