He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
