I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
