DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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