I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
