Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
