GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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