In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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